Ben Franklin Mob H3

(Note: There are two main versions of this song, most commonly using “Mexican Whore” and “Lupe”. I’ve seen “Long Island Whore” elsewhere so I’m taking the liberty of co-opting this into a Philly song rather than excluding it.)

Down in Cunt Valley where jism does flow
The cocksuckers work for a nickel a blow
That’s where I met Lulu, the girl I adore
She’s a hot-fucking, cock-sucking, Philadelphia whore.

(Chorus:)
She’ll fuck you, she’ll suck you, she’ll tickle your nuts
And if you’re not happy she’ll suck out your guts
She’ll wrap her legs around you til you want to die
But I’d rather eat Lulu than sweet cherry pie

She’s easy, she’s greasy, she works on the street
Whenever you see her she’s always in heat
If you leave your fly open she’s after your meat
And the smell of her cunt knocks you right off your feet

One day on the prairie no pants on her quim
A rattlesnake saw her and slipped right on in
She wiggled, she giggled, it tickled down there
She had a vagina with rattles and hair

I got off my pony, I reached for her crack
But the damn thing was rattlin’ and bitin’ me back
I pulled out my pistol and aimed for its head
I missed the damn rattler and shot her instead

Now Lulu is dead and she lies on her back
Thousands of hashers still line up for her crack
And the smile on her face seems to say, “Give me more
I’m a hot-fucking, cock-sucking, Philadelphia whore.”

(Chorus)

(Alternate, shorter version:)

Down in Twat Valley where maidenheads grow
Where cocksuckers flourish and the red river flows
Twas there I met Lulu, the girl I adore
That hare fucking, cock sucking, Philadelphia whore

(Chorus:)
She’ll fuck you, she’ll suck you, she’ll gnaw on your nuts
And if you’re not careful she’ll suck out your guts
She’ll fuck for a nickel, take less or take more
That hare fucking, cock sucking, Philadelphia whore

Now Lulu is dead, she lies in her tomb
The flies and the maggots crawl around in her womb
But from that dark region she cries out for more
That hare fucking, cock sucking Philadelphia Whore

(Chorus)