Ben Franklin Mob H3

(A variety of call and response songs can use the same limericks, so I’ve collected them in one page. The most common may be My Sister Belinda)

(There once was…)

A man from Peru (Peru)
Who made the world’s best minstrel stew (minstrel stew)
He added for spice, handfuls of crab lice, and an occasional dingle berry or two

On the chest of a barmaid from sail (from sail)
Was written the prices of ale (of ale)
And on her behind, for the sake of the blind,
was the same information in braille

A queer from kartoo (from kartoo)
Who took a lesbian up to his room (to his room)
They argued all night as to who had the right,
to do what and with which and to whom

A lad named Perkin (Perkin)
Who was always jerkin’ his gerkin
His father said “Perkin, stop jerkin’ your gerkin. Your gerkin’s for firkin not jerkin’ ”

A mathematician named Fine
Always showed her classes a good time
Instead of multiplication, he taught fornication,
And never got past sixty-nine

There was a young dino named Barney
Whose treatment of kids was quite smarmy
He’d probe every hole, then swallow ‘em whole
Till his shit looked like children con carne

There once was a rabbi from Keith
Who circumcised men with his teeth.
It was not for the treasure, nor sexual pleasure,
But to get at the cheese underneath

There was a young lady called Annie
Who had fleas, lice, and crabs up her fanny
To get up her flue, was like touring the zoo
There were wild beasts in each nook and cranny

There was an old whore from the Azores
Whose cunt was all covered in sores
Even dogs in the street, wouldn’t touch the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers

There was a young girl from Assizes
Whose breasts were of two different sizes
The left one was small, sweet nothing at all
The right one was large and won prizes

There once was a lady from Arden
Who sucked a man off in a garden
He said, “My dear Flo, where does all that stuff go?”
And she said (swallow hard) I beg pardon?

There was a young man from Australia
Who painted his arse like a dahlia
The drawing was fine, the color divine
But the scent – Ah, that was a failure

There was a young lady from France
Who decided to take just one chance
For an hour or so, she just let herself go
And now all her sisters are aunts

There was a young man of Belgrave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said, “I admit, I’m a bit of a shit
But think of the money I save”

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Said, “Fucking is one thing I do know
A woman is fine, and sheep are divine
But a llama is numero uno.”

There was a young man of Bombay,
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick, turned the clay into brick
And it rubbed his foreskin away

There was a young sailor from Brighton
Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight ‘un.”
She replied, “Upon my soul, you’re in the wrong hole
There’s plenty of room in the right ‘un.”

An insatiable nymph from Penzance
Traveled by bus to South Hants
Five others fucked her, besides the conductor
And the driver came twice in his pants